This Time Tomorrow.

I'll be in our new apartment, probably still unpacking and getting settled. Kryss will be at work and I'll be home alone. Part of that thought excites me and the other part is terrified; I've seen too many horror movies so I'll know what to expect. I'll probably end up checking under the bed and the shower curtain 20 times that night just incase someone else came in and wants to chop my body into a million unidentifiable pieces.
It's a little bittersweet for me right now, I've been back home for almost 6 months living in my old room again. So much has changed since I left and this room doesn't even feel like it did before I left. We've turned this one bedroom into our own little home and it's been so comfortable and felt like our own little place, it'll be sad to see it emptied and left alone. This probably seems ridiculous because we're moving into an actual apartment but it's been my place for so many years.
Less than a month ago we signed lease papers and every day leading up to it has felt like an eternity, until I woke up today. Instead of waking Kryss up with the usual "_ days left!", it was spent anxious and nervous because this secretly crept up on us. I've complained so many times that this day seemed like it would never get here, but now that we're less than 24 hours away, it seems like it flew by.
I'll miss..
I'm going to miss this room like hell. The white walls that brightened the room up, the bookshelf Kryss made that is holding all of our souvenirs and cameras.
I'm going to miss being able to wake up and walk downstairs to find my mother. We talk as I'm making a pot of coffee and I won't get that anymore.
I'm going to miss my dog, Alex. Since I came back home, he's been pretty attached to me and it's going to be so sad to leave him again. It's sad to admit, but he's like my best friend. He's always so happy to see me and follows Kryss and I around the house.
I'm going to miss my mother's home-cooked meals. I missed them so badly when I lived in Texas and it was wonderful coming back to them. Kryss makes a pretty good meal but food made by mother's is more special.
I'm going to miss my father's jokes at the most random times. He always has something to say and a comeback for everything.
I'll love..
Getting in the kitchen with Kryss. I am so anxious to make meals with him and sit down to eat.
Not having to tip-toe around the house. My father has difficulty sleeping so we've been extra quiet when we wake up in the middle of the night. It'll be nice to not have to worry about waking him up.
Not having to watch my language. My father hates vulgar language.. but it's a large part of my vocabulary. Sad to admit but it'll be nice to not have to think before I speak all the time. Hah.
More photo opportunities. Sort of an odd excitement but I don't take pictures of myself or others in my parent's house. I'm trying to get into self-portraiture but I can't really do it unless it's in my room. I'm really self-conscious about that kind of thing and it's so lame to admit but it'll be nice not having to be careful when trying to take a picture.

One Week.

In one week, Kryss and I are moving into our apartment. I know I posted about it a lot but things haven't seemed to have really hit us until recently. We've been spending our spare time shopping for our home and getting things in order and figuring out how we're going to get it all done before the first. It's been so stressful but also so exciting. We still have so much to do and I hope things fall into place and come together like we hope they will.
Kryss finished the couch he's been working on for a few days and it looks so much better than I thought it would. I knew he could do it but it came out so perfectly and I can't wait to have it in our apartment. We spent last night looking for pillows and it just looks so good. We went to dozens of stores and searched through hundreds of pillows and fabrics (we almost made our own) but decided we'd spent time on projects that were more important and higher on our list. I'm so glad we decided on him building it, it not only saves us money but it's given Kryss so much confidence and it's made him so proud of his work. He put his all into this project and he's so proud of his creation. He lights up when he talks about it and he tells everyone about it. He even showed the woman at J.C Penny a picture of it and went onto a tangent about it. It's so nice to see him so passionate and confident about something.
Every night before bed we talk about everything. I honestly think this apartment has brought us closer together and it's something we're both ready for and can't wait to move forward in our lives. We've spent most of our relationship living together - with his parents and then mine. But we're finally going to be 100% on our own. We wake up every morning with the number of days until we move and we both get this insane smile on our faces and hug.
We'll get to make breakfast and dinner together every morning and night. We'll get to decorate this place however the both of us see fit. I can finally put my camera collection up and it won't be cluttered on my desk! We can share a cup of coffee in the dining room and talk about our plans for the day.
It's crazy to think about how far the both of us have come in the past six months. I remember before we even moved to New York we sat on his porch at two in the morning talking about our plans. I remember him going on about moving to New York and meeting my parents. I was hesitant because I didn't think it would all pan out. He promised he would do whatever he could to get us here and he did it. And I am so thankful to him and I hope he knows that. He wanted to see another part of the world and he knew how much I missed my parents. We talked about getting a place of our own and I knew it wouldn't happen anytime soon. I didn't think it would even happen within the next year but look at us now. We found a place within six months of moving to New York. We've done everything we said we wanted to do and I couldn't be more grateful than I am right now.
Our relationship has been a series of last-minute decisions and unexpected surprises. We never planned to move out so soon and we didn't plan on getting an apartment so soon. Things seem to have just fallen in place for us and it's nice that things have been going to well for as long as they have.
This new adventure in our lives has given us the chance to become creative again - building furniture, decorating a space of our own and we'll be able to showcase my photography and his drawings.
Thinking back to a year ago, I would have never thought I'd be with someone who treats me so well. Hell, I'm even engaged to this man. I never thought I'd be back home in New York or even moving in with someone. I've dreamt of this kind of life for so long and it's all finally coming together. For so long I've wanted to be an adult, have my own bills (crazy, I know.) and a place of my own with someone I really care about. I've wanted to be considered independent and an adult for so long and it's been a crazy challenge. A lot of ups and downs with numerous disappointments and hardships. It's been such a huge adventure for me - and Kryss and we're both glad we've had each other to go through it with.

On change.

I've been in Syracuse since Wednesday night. I've slept in my old bed a few times and I can't tell you how badly I've missed it. I'm happy being home with the comfort of my room, it's always been my favorite spot. It's cozy and has (at least to me) such inspirational things. I've got Paris themed decorations everywhere, my cameras scattered on my bookshelf and loads of books to scan through. I'm sitting at my old desk and it's somewhere I've enjoyed being whenever I've blogged or browsed the internet. Since I've left, I could never really find anywhere to sit living in Texas where I could easily flow through my words on a post. It was always hard to sit down and focus on what I'm trying to say. Here, back at home, sitting at my desk, it's so much easier. This is a much welcomed change.
I was nervous coming back home.
I was afraid I might fall into old habits of my comfort zone being my room.
I was afraid to see people from my past, I didn't even want to go to stores or the mall because I knew I'd see people I didn't want to. The few places I have gone since being home has proven that hesitation correct. Though they haven't been a huge part of my life, I saw people I knew. No words were exchanged and I was more than okay with that. I don't want anyone coming up to me asking where I've been, how I'm doing or what my plans are. I'm at the point where they're all in my past. They're gone from my life and that's okay with me. Part of it can be sad sometimes, though. Sometimes I'll drive past a certain place and memories come flooding through. Memories of going somewhere with my friend Rose and the laughter that would ignite in the car. I've learned to remember those moments, give them time to stumble back into my mind, but I keep them there. I don't let sadness flow through me anymore. They're memories I was lucky enough to experience and cherish. I need to make new ones. I need to let go of those in my past and create these new memories to go back to.
I was afraid coming home because it meant I would have to put myself out there. I have to look for a job now, although I'm trying to go to my old one. I've never been lucky getting jobs and it's something I've always struggled with. I'm hoping this re-hire will work out because I thoroughly enjoyed working at this job. If not, I suppose I'll have to actually put myself out there and really try something new. I'm never confident when it comes to getting a job, but I've definitely been lucky before so I'm sure it'll all work out.
Part of me felt like coming back home would be a step backward in my life. I didn't want to come back home and fall back into the way I used to be. I told myself I would leave here and if I ever came back, I'd come back with more than I left. When it comes down to it, I met someone. I have a completely different mindset now that I was able to take some time away from here. I'm back home and I'm so much more mentally healthy and ready for any challenge than I was before.
I left this state in a shitty mindset and I'm returning stronger than ever.
I'm ready for any challenge that comes my way.
I have to remember that my life is my story, and I want to make it a memorable one.

We finally made it.

So, we made it home. It took 4 days, 2,200 miles and a ton of stops for coffee but we did it. I'm typing this out in my old bedroom, boxes and clothes lying around everywhere.
I still can't believe I'm here, it hasn't set in yet and neither has it for Kryss. We keep telling each other, "I still don't feel like we left El Paso. This is crazy."
I've been waking up every morning and my first thoughts are "Woah, I'm still actually here."
I've been going through my drawers and looking through old boxes and yearbooks, thinking about how crazy time flies by. Forgetting about the birthday cards and projects I've created years prior. I'm running my fingers through my books on the shelves forgetting the great reads I've got that I left here. I can't wait to open them up again.
I'm nervous to be back. I feel like I made the right decision, though. In the end it'll be a learning experience. I think it's good I decided to come back, especially now that I'm in a much better state of mind and I'm not the same person I was that left. I'm coming back home stronger and ready to face the challenges ahead. I'll come back here and make positive memories and let go of the ones that have been here prior to my leaving for Texas over a year ago.
I've got this amazing boy to build this new life with. Someone who I am thankful for every day and someone that continuously makes me glad I am alive.
I can't wait to share the stories on the road with you and show you the amazing sites I was able to experience.

"Take my hand and we'll conquer them all."

So, I've been a bit hesitant to say anything on social media websites for a few days now. I've got some exciting news, but I get paranoid with the people that like to stalk me. A lot of times I want to post things but I don't because of potential people who could see it. I'm at the point right now where I could care less anymore. If someone wants to take the time to look me up and update themselves on my life then that's fine. Let them judge and talk, it doesn't matter to me.
I'm hesitant to say things because I know people are going to judge; especially given the situation.
I'm taking a risk. A very big risk that I'm not 100% sure is going to work out in my favor. What's a little risk without a potential reward? I'm feeling good about my decision and it was a mutual decision that was made. I'm going to remain positive and work for it.
On August 4th, Kryss and I will be packing up the car and heading back to Syracuse, New York. We're going to stay with my parents for a few months until we can save up enough to move on our own. We both want to get to New York City and feel it's in our best interest to at least make the journey closer to the city and transition from Texas to New York. Kryss came to me with this idea after a few days of being sad missing my parents. He's not doing this just for me; he wants to get out of Texas and he wants to eventually live in New York. He's ready to take a big step and leave home and become more independent. I'm just excited I'm able to take this step with him.
I'm feeling confident. Since we started seeing each other, we've been there for each other through it all. We both realize we've got dreams and goals we'd like to reach one day and we both push each other closer to those goals. We support one another and want the best for each other. We're both willing to help one another in any way to help each other reach our goals.
So, we both gave our two weeks notice to work, told his family and I told my father. I haven't told my mother, though. She texts me a few times a week telling me she misses me and can't wait for me to visit. I don't want to tell her, I'd rather just show up on her door one day and surprise her. It's been the hardest thing ever not telling her. I call her almost every day before work and it's been so hard not slipping and mentioning how many days are left living here or how badly I want to just leave work and not show up. I can't wait until she finally knows and I can fill her in on everything.
Another exciting part of this whole adventure is the planning out we're doing. We are currently planning the route and researching cities nearby to stop at. Luckily, we're both huge nerds and love abandoned areas and hope to find some amazing sites. I can't wait to take some pictures along the way and hopefully get some nice abandoned, creepy pictures from this trip. We're both researching places and every time we come to something along the way, we both freak out and it makes us that more excited to leave. We plan to stop into the city when we get to New York and neither of us have been there in awhile. I can't wait to be surrounded by the city life again.
I'm excited for this new adventure in my life. I'm thankful I'm able to do it with someone I've grown to adore more and more every day. I know people may think this is happening so fast, but it all feels right. I'm ready to take a risk, it may end up being the best decision I've made. I'm thankful to the people we've told that have been nothing short of supportive this whole time.
Let's hope this next week will fly by, I'm growing so anxious.