This past month.

at my favorite spot in Syracuse, Roji's Tea Lounge.

A month ago I was slowly packing up my things and setting them aside in Kryss' room. Everyday we would get together a few more items to bring, not sure if it would all fit into his little Fiesta. I didn't believe any of this would actually happen, figuring if was just some half-brained idea we both settled on. I'll never forget the night he came to me with this crazy idea to drive 2,200 miles to get to New York. As much as I felt happy and excited for this possibility, I didn't let myself get my hopes up. I didn't believe for a moment this would actually happen. We gave ourselves two weeks to get everything in order. Two weeks to tell his family and friends, to let work know they would be losing some of their top employees, and to help Kryss pack up the 26 years of his life in that little room. 

It was hard watching him pack his life away into these little boxes, making sure it would fit for the drive. I knew he was ecstatic to be leaving El Paso even if it was for a little while, but I hated that he had to leave his family. They have such an amazing relationship with each other and it's something I've secretly been envious of. I'll miss those nights when he would brew some coffee and we'd sit in the kitchen with his mother. Even sitting down for dinner with the whole family, something I've never done with my own. 

Some people didn't take the news as well as others. People said it was a terrible idea and Kryss would end up broke or dead. We talked a lot about people not supporting him and turning their back on him at one of the most important times of his life. He was finally leaving the place he grew up in for 26 years. He would be without the company of friends and family, all he had was his boyfriend of a few short months. This was pretty big if you ask me and not having the full support of his friends is disappointing. 

So, we've been here a month..

I never thought I'd be back home, I told myself I wouldn't come back. I didn't want to come back and feel like I had just put my life here on pause and I'm back to resume it. I wanted to make sure if I ever came back, I'd be a completely different person; more positive and ready for life. To be honest, I feel like I am a totally different person. I've had time to grow and change, learn new things about myself and appreciate the little things. I'm happier and more positive about everything.
I've always had this negative attitude towards my hometown. I couldn't wait to get out, see other parts of the world, not realizing that there are far worse places than Syracuse. Since coming back, I've seen Syracuse in a completely different light. Driving through the city at night, I feel this huge sense of appreciation for the place I was born and raised in. The buildings have become fascinating and beautiful to me, I almost feel like I'm in a whole new town.
The creativity scene here has grown so much since I left. There are so many more coffee shops that I'm now finding out about and need to explore. There was even an event that took place a few weeks ago to bring together the web design community. I can't wait to be a part of the creative community here and expand my network. Even the mall has expanded and it's bringing in a lot more traffic because of it.
This past month has taught me a lot. It's okay to leave your hometown for awhile and see what the world has to offer. It was the scariest thing I've done in my life so far and it was made last minute, some people thought I would regret leaving.
I still don't have a single regret. I took an adventure and learned so much about myself and the world around me. I have stories and memories to share with others. I am so happy I made the decision to leave and I'm even happier I decided to come back home because deep down I missed it every day I was gone. 

On change.

I've been in Syracuse since Wednesday night. I've slept in my old bed a few times and I can't tell you how badly I've missed it. I'm happy being home with the comfort of my room, it's always been my favorite spot. It's cozy and has (at least to me) such inspirational things. I've got Paris themed decorations everywhere, my cameras scattered on my bookshelf and loads of books to scan through. I'm sitting at my old desk and it's somewhere I've enjoyed being whenever I've blogged or browsed the internet. Since I've left, I could never really find anywhere to sit living in Texas where I could easily flow through my words on a post. It was always hard to sit down and focus on what I'm trying to say. Here, back at home, sitting at my desk, it's so much easier. This is a much welcomed change.
I was nervous coming back home.
I was afraid I might fall into old habits of my comfort zone being my room.
I was afraid to see people from my past, I didn't even want to go to stores or the mall because I knew I'd see people I didn't want to. The few places I have gone since being home has proven that hesitation correct. Though they haven't been a huge part of my life, I saw people I knew. No words were exchanged and I was more than okay with that. I don't want anyone coming up to me asking where I've been, how I'm doing or what my plans are. I'm at the point where they're all in my past. They're gone from my life and that's okay with me. Part of it can be sad sometimes, though. Sometimes I'll drive past a certain place and memories come flooding through. Memories of going somewhere with my friend Rose and the laughter that would ignite in the car. I've learned to remember those moments, give them time to stumble back into my mind, but I keep them there. I don't let sadness flow through me anymore. They're memories I was lucky enough to experience and cherish. I need to make new ones. I need to let go of those in my past and create these new memories to go back to.
I was afraid coming home because it meant I would have to put myself out there. I have to look for a job now, although I'm trying to go to my old one. I've never been lucky getting jobs and it's something I've always struggled with. I'm hoping this re-hire will work out because I thoroughly enjoyed working at this job. If not, I suppose I'll have to actually put myself out there and really try something new. I'm never confident when it comes to getting a job, but I've definitely been lucky before so I'm sure it'll all work out.
Part of me felt like coming back home would be a step backward in my life. I didn't want to come back home and fall back into the way I used to be. I told myself I would leave here and if I ever came back, I'd come back with more than I left. When it comes down to it, I met someone. I have a completely different mindset now that I was able to take some time away from here. I'm back home and I'm so much more mentally healthy and ready for any challenge than I was before.
I left this state in a shitty mindset and I'm returning stronger than ever.
I'm ready for any challenge that comes my way.
I have to remember that my life is my story, and I want to make it a memorable one.

We finally made it.

So, we made it home. It took 4 days, 2,200 miles and a ton of stops for coffee but we did it. I'm typing this out in my old bedroom, boxes and clothes lying around everywhere.
I still can't believe I'm here, it hasn't set in yet and neither has it for Kryss. We keep telling each other, "I still don't feel like we left El Paso. This is crazy."
I've been waking up every morning and my first thoughts are "Woah, I'm still actually here."
I've been going through my drawers and looking through old boxes and yearbooks, thinking about how crazy time flies by. Forgetting about the birthday cards and projects I've created years prior. I'm running my fingers through my books on the shelves forgetting the great reads I've got that I left here. I can't wait to open them up again.
I'm nervous to be back. I feel like I made the right decision, though. In the end it'll be a learning experience. I think it's good I decided to come back, especially now that I'm in a much better state of mind and I'm not the same person I was that left. I'm coming back home stronger and ready to face the challenges ahead. I'll come back here and make positive memories and let go of the ones that have been here prior to my leaving for Texas over a year ago.
I've got this amazing boy to build this new life with. Someone who I am thankful for every day and someone that continuously makes me glad I am alive.
I can't wait to share the stories on the road with you and show you the amazing sites I was able to experience.

"Take my hand and we'll conquer them all."

So, I've been a bit hesitant to say anything on social media websites for a few days now. I've got some exciting news, but I get paranoid with the people that like to stalk me. A lot of times I want to post things but I don't because of potential people who could see it. I'm at the point right now where I could care less anymore. If someone wants to take the time to look me up and update themselves on my life then that's fine. Let them judge and talk, it doesn't matter to me.
I'm hesitant to say things because I know people are going to judge; especially given the situation.
I'm taking a risk. A very big risk that I'm not 100% sure is going to work out in my favor. What's a little risk without a potential reward? I'm feeling good about my decision and it was a mutual decision that was made. I'm going to remain positive and work for it.
On August 4th, Kryss and I will be packing up the car and heading back to Syracuse, New York. We're going to stay with my parents for a few months until we can save up enough to move on our own. We both want to get to New York City and feel it's in our best interest to at least make the journey closer to the city and transition from Texas to New York. Kryss came to me with this idea after a few days of being sad missing my parents. He's not doing this just for me; he wants to get out of Texas and he wants to eventually live in New York. He's ready to take a big step and leave home and become more independent. I'm just excited I'm able to take this step with him.
I'm feeling confident. Since we started seeing each other, we've been there for each other through it all. We both realize we've got dreams and goals we'd like to reach one day and we both push each other closer to those goals. We support one another and want the best for each other. We're both willing to help one another in any way to help each other reach our goals.
So, we both gave our two weeks notice to work, told his family and I told my father. I haven't told my mother, though. She texts me a few times a week telling me she misses me and can't wait for me to visit. I don't want to tell her, I'd rather just show up on her door one day and surprise her. It's been the hardest thing ever not telling her. I call her almost every day before work and it's been so hard not slipping and mentioning how many days are left living here or how badly I want to just leave work and not show up. I can't wait until she finally knows and I can fill her in on everything.
Another exciting part of this whole adventure is the planning out we're doing. We are currently planning the route and researching cities nearby to stop at. Luckily, we're both huge nerds and love abandoned areas and hope to find some amazing sites. I can't wait to take some pictures along the way and hopefully get some nice abandoned, creepy pictures from this trip. We're both researching places and every time we come to something along the way, we both freak out and it makes us that more excited to leave. We plan to stop into the city when we get to New York and neither of us have been there in awhile. I can't wait to be surrounded by the city life again.
I'm excited for this new adventure in my life. I'm thankful I'm able to do it with someone I've grown to adore more and more every day. I know people may think this is happening so fast, but it all feels right. I'm ready to take a risk, it may end up being the best decision I've made. I'm thankful to the people we've told that have been nothing short of supportive this whole time.
Let's hope this next week will fly by, I'm growing so anxious.