Dreaming Of Our Future Place.

Now that the search for a place to live is over and the paperwork is all complete, I've been spending the past few days dreaming of our future home and how it'll look. I've always dreamed of having a place of my own, decorating it how I saw fit and making it the most comfortable space for me. Now that it's a reality, the possibilities are endless and it's exciting and filled with anxiety. I can't wait to fill our little space with treasures and artwork of our own, but I can already tell I'm going to be a complete mess about it. I know once I finish one project, I'll want to improve it further and try to find some way to make it better. I'll never be satisfied and that's scaring me.
We've got less than a month to move in and we've got a lot of work ahead of us. I didn't think it through all the way but at work I was running through a list in my head of all the things we'll need; big and small. It didn't come to me and it's because I've never had to think about these things but there's so much we need to buy.
Plates, forks, Windex, strainer, paper towels, towels, etc. That's just the beginning. I mean, seriously.. there is just so much to remember when buying for your new apartment. When thinking about a place of my own, not once did it cross my mind, "man, I can't wait to buy that plunger!" - but it's something we'll need. The list almost seems endless. Take all those small items for the place and add bigger items on that list - like internet. We have to call the company and get the internet before we move in. Or after, it doesn't matter. I don't plan on being on the computer much for the first few days anyway, but how in the hell do people remember all of this stuff? I settled on making a list - which hasn't even started because I'm a hardcore procrastinator. That's my problem, I have all of these things I want to get done but I never write them out and I just think them out in my head and hope to God I remember later on.
I think my issue is I'm afraid I won't get them done in time or it'll completely overwhelm me once I see the list. This whole new venture in my life will slowly start to become a reality and it's scary in a way - we've always dreamed of these amazing adventures we're going to take in our adult years, but when it actually happens, it's a completely different perspective and the reality is so much bigger than we thought.
I've been obsessing over Pinterest and Tumblr for some inspiration and ideas for when we move in. There are some amazing ideas but also outlandish ones that I would never even think to do. Who knew there was a whole Tumblr dedicated to furniture made out of pallets? I want all of the pallets in the world now.
Here's some of my ideas and inspiration for our apartment, hopefully it'll strike something inside of you to go out and create something of your own for your home.

Like I said, a Tumblr for all things made with pallets.

I have been anxious over our couch situation. Maybe I'm just a cheapskate but I hate the idea of buying one piece of furniture for hundreds of dollars. Yes, it's for your home and for your comfort and you want quality but this looks both comfortable and so good. The best part is that it's made by you. Not many people can say they made their own furniture for their home, a couch nonetheless. source.

This is one of my favorite D.I.Y decors for your home. Four crates, some wood stain and you've got yourself a living room table. It also gives you space your knickknacks and little decorations. I am so excited to try this and I even went to Michaels to check out their selection for crates. source.

I'm not crazy about all of the holes in the wall that this would take, but it gives so much shelving space for your books and decorations. Maybe for a future home purchase but this definitely gives me a few ideas. source. 

How amazing is this?! I'm not sure the source for this but I would love  to see this being made. 

Elise is one of my favorite bloggers. She got me interested in Project Life and she's got some amazing tutorials. This is one that I'd love to try. 

Violet made a simple silhouette reading lamp but it gives so much life to a room. 

Now that I've looked back and found even more interesting D.I.Y's and apartments, it's making me so much more excited to finally be on my own and create a nice little place for Kryss and I. I suppose I'll get on making that list now, February 1st will be here before I know it. 

2014 Is Quickly Becoming My Favorite Year.

Remember this post? That time we went looking for an apartment and the lady was a complete asshole? Yeah, I didn't forget that. It stuck with me for awhile. It made me feel like we weren't doing as good as we were and that we wouldn't be able to move out of my parents house. It was a blow to the ego for the both of us.
Well, today Kryss and I went looking at a few more apartments. We were trying to be as positive as we could, but still felt that sting from the first place. We called a complex and they said they had one apartment with a one bedroom left so we came as soon as we ended the call. When we got there, they told us a couple just signed the papers to lease it. We left the apartments and sat in the car both extremely discouraged. We felt like things just weren't going right for us and I honestly wanted to just give up. I was so disgusted with being shut down again. We ended up going to Wegmans for a few items and picked up an Apartment Finder catalog and we sat in the car for over an hour and looked at possible places.
No utilities included? No thanks.
$35 fee per person just to view an apartment? You're nuts.
In the ghetto? Nope, just had our first homicide of the year and as desperate as we are for an apartment, I've got some standards left.
Kryss had one more place in mind that he had drove past a few times. I wanted to say no. I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and scream "fuck that." and crawl under my covers and sleep my anger away.
Thank the big guy upstairs I didn't do that.
We drove into the apartments and there was a sign that said "Welcome Home!" and instantly I thought "wouldn't it be hilarious if it ended up being our home!?" but quickly remembering there was no way we'd get a place. The cards weren't in our favor it seemed. We filled out a welcome form, waited for the woman to get back from lunch to show the model apartment and then came back to the office. We told her we really liked the apartment and were interested in applying.
"Application fees are waived this month."
Say whaaaat?!
We sat our happy asses down and applied.
She took our papers and filed them and then told us what we had for a security deposit and how much we'd be paying a month. Before we realized it, we were accepted.
So, Kryss and I will be moving into our own apartment on February 1st. We wanted to give ourselves a few weeks to sort things out and pack.
We also had to tell my parents who aren't too accepting of good news. As with my engagement, my mom just stated how much we'd hate it because dogs weren't allowed and it was only one bedroom. She picked anything and everything to lessen my excitement, but I'm not letting it get to me. 2014 is off to an amazing start and I couldn't be happier with the way things are going.
In the meantime, I'll be pinning my ass off with ideas for our apartment.
I can't believe it's actually happening. I honestly don't think it's even hit me yet and it won't until we're laying in bed for the first night on our own.

Hello, 2014.

Hey 2014, you're off to a pretty amazing start. I expected to celebrate the new year with a kiss at midnight, but it brought an even bigger surprise than I imagined.

We're in New York City running around the streets trying to find the perfect view to see the ball drop. Chaos ensues because we're not the only ones. With a minute to spare we finally decide on a spot, still far from sight but in sight nonetheless. We're surrounded by everyone else waiting for that ball to drop. When it finally does, I get that kiss I'd been dying for for so long. We hug and welcome the new year with all of the excitement we've been bottling up. We're greeted by fireworks across from us in Clinton Square and we take a moment to hold each other and soak in that moment. Finally, Kryss asks me to step to the side with him for a moment to get out of the chaos that surrounds us. 

He gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him. In a calm and excited manner, I say yes. 

So, we exchange rings and hug some more and take in that moment. It's not just a boyfriend relationship anymore. We are closer to uniting as a couple and taking the next step in the relationship. And it's exciting and scary at the same moment. This is something so brand new to me and I'm not sure how to respond to it. 

We finally got home last night and broke the news to my parents. As excited as I was to tell them thinking they'd respond with positive feedback, all we got was a simple "okay." by them. And it hurts me. Last night I let it get me down, but I guess I have to see it from their point.

This isn't something they're used to. My family has never been open about feelings and it's not something they ever plan on doing. I figured with me coming back home it would bring us closer and open us up more than ever. When my sisters got engaged, my parents congratulated them and were so happy for them, but for me it was brushed aside. I'm not sure if they think it's a bad decision on our part but I highly doubt it has anything to do with sexual orientation. My parents have said before they would still love their child no matter who they fell in love with. They seem to have really taken a liking to Kryss so I don't think it's any bad feelings towards him. I guess it may take awhile to actually get used to and it's something I'll have to wait out. 

I need to take this time to be happy and take this moment in, because it's a wonderful thing that's just happened. We don't plan on getting married in the next few months or anything, we're just taking the next step and figuring out our next move. We love each other more than anything and we are dedicated to spending the rest of our lives together and that's all that matters right now. 

I had a lot planned for 2014 but this wasn't one of them. It was a wonderfully exciting surprise that was planned for me. I am so happy to take his hand and come together.

Day 1 of 365.

In other news, I am also starting a new project that I've been planning for a few weeks now. Project 365 is my newest venture into photography. I plan to take one photo a day for the whole year. It's got me feeling really anxious and excited. I am not sure if I can actually complete this but I'm going to see how far it takes me. I refuse to let it stress me out or get me down, I'm going to just have fun with it and see how far along I can go and how much I can improve in the year. 

You can follow the journey on Flickr right here. 

So, I'm welcoming 2014 with open arms and excited to see what this year has to bring me and how much I can grow in the next 365 days. 

A Review Of 2013.

I know everyone is saying it, but where did 2013 go? It feels like just yesterday I was sitting at a country bar in El Paso counting down until the ball dropped. I'll never forget that night and it's not because it was special. I sat at a table while everyone was grabbing their loved ones, getting ready for that kiss for the new year. People were laughing with their significant others and holding them tight, ready to bring in the year together. I looked over at my sister and her husband and grew tired and envious. I had no one that year to bring in the new year with. Sure, I had my sister and brother-in-law.. but as over-rated as this is, I wish I had someone to kiss and hold when everyone screamed in excitement. So, when it struck midnight and everyone kissed and cheered, I sat at that that table feeling alone.
Because the truth was, I never had a New Year's kiss. The previous year I sat outside of a club crying. My ex and I got into an argument because he was wasted and I sat in the cold instead of being with everyone else.
Would I change any of that, though? Not a damn thing.
Because this year is special. This New Year's will be nothing like it was before.
I'll be in New York City bringing in the new year with my best friend and partner. I'll have that kiss that I've dreamed of for so long. I'll be in my favorite place in the world, surrounded by so much energy.
So with the end of the year, I can't help but think back to this year as a whole. All of my accomplishments, changes and hopes for 2014. When I started 2013, I did not think my life would have changed as much as it has. I never thought I'd come back home, especially with such a different look on everything.

I'm talking to my parents again. 
We didn't talk for a whole year over a small misunderstanding. Today, we're closer than ever and I am so happy that I'm back with them when they need me the most. My father and I have the best relationship we've ever had. All it took was a simple phone call.
I met Kryss, my partner and best friend. 
Thanks to a job we both worked at, I met Kryss. I met someone who I can connect with and talk to about anything. This is going to sound lame, but he's my hero and I'm always pushing myself to be as good a person as he is. I've never felt so happy with myself and thought as much about the future as I do with him.
I kept two jobs. For a month. 
For a month of 2013, I had two jobs. I didn't like one but I despised the other. The boss drank at work and also did drugs. He was crazy and erratic and because I called in one day, he decided to come to my other job and make a huge scene. This all caused the demise of the relationship I had with my sister and moving in with Kryss.  I wouldn't change a thing and I couldn't be happier with the ways things turned out. Thinking back, that boss did me a favor.
I took so many pictures, holy shit!
I'll occasionally turn my computer on and look through photographs. I can't believe how many times I've used my camera in the past year. Kryss and I have been on so many adventures and he's the sole reason why I even picked my camera up as much as I have. He's went on these adventures with me, just as excited as I was and we bonded over it. We both enjoy adventures and crawling into abandoned farms.
I moved from El Paso, Texas to Syracuse, New York.
I never thought this would happen. I'm back home and I'm back at my old job. I love both and I am so happy to be back. I didn't think I'd ever return or look forward to being back home. I left this place in such a bad state and it's amazing to look back and see how different things are. Part of me wishes I could of talked to that old me right before I went to Texas, I'd let him know everything will be okay and I'd be back in a much better position.
I've been to New York City twice. 
... and tomorrow will make it a third! ;)
I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to be only four hours away from my favorite place on Earth. Kryss and I both dream of living there one day and just being able to visit is enough for now. I've been to the city more in the past four months than I have my entire life. It's unbelievable to think about.
We're beginning to look for an apartment. 
I've discussed it previously, but we're looking for an apartment. It's not going so well, but in 2014 we're going to keep our heads held high and continue on with the search. We're bound to find the perfect place, it'll just take a bit of time. In the end, I know all of this stress will be worth it.
I became a better version of myself. 
I was never a confident kid. I compared myself to everyone else and it constantly got me feeling down. This year I became a much more positive and happy person. I love myself and am so much more comfortable in my skin. I am so proud of myself for how far I've come alone in the past few months.

2013 was a very good year for me. I went through a lot of changes and ups and downs. I wouldn't change anything about this year and I can only hope that 2014 is an even better year. I've never been the type of person to sit back and reflect on things like the end of the year but I did this year because I felt like a lot happened. I met so many people and changed scenery so many times. I was given these amazing experiences that I'll never forget.
I hope you all have an exciting and safe New Years and I can't wait to come back refreshed for the new year.

We Went Looking For An Apartment.

The first apartment we looked at. We thought it was perfect. 

On Thursday, Kryss and I decided we'd look at an apartment we've been interested in since we moved here. It was perfect, it was in a quiet little area surrounded by the woods. The best part was it was right behind a Wegmans, which we go to all the time. Every time we to the store, we'd get to talking about this apartment and how perfect it would be for us. It was right by both of our jobs and we'd literally have to walk down the road to get our groceries. The more we talked about it, the more excited I was to move in to this apartment. 

After we talked for a bit, we decided if we wanted we could get an apartment right now, or at least apply for early next year because it would give us some time to get things in order before jumping right in. I left work Thursday excited and nervous for this new venture in our lives, sadly it turned into a bad experience. You know how you do something new and exciting, hoping for the best and in the end you just feel like it's not something you want to do again? That's us right now.
We walk into the offices and try to talk to them about our interest in the apartments. The woman never gave us her name or invited us in. She told us to walk across the hall and look at the two bedroom/ two bath model apartment. Though it was dated, we fell in love with the little place. We thought it would of been perfect for us. For a moment, we thought about a one bedroom and one bath, but with the stuff my parents are going through, two was just a smarter decision. It wasn't even much more expensive, either. It would of been better to get the larger place because if we had friends over or if his family ever decided to visit, it would come in handy.
So, we loved the place. We thought about looking at other apartments, but we were too happy with this one. She told us they were strict on credit checks and that scared us. I don't have credit because no where will give me a chance in hell to build credit and his isn't so great because of school loans. Of course.
We figured we'd give it a shot anyway. What would be the worst? We're turned down? Oh well...
The next day we went there and told her we wanted to apply. This woman.. man. She couldn't of been worse. First, she acted completely surprised and shocked and at a loss for words.. and I'm not sure why. Then she told us we had to check out an apartment and then apply and even asked us about our work. How much we make, how long we've worked, etc. After calculating it said "That's not enough guys, it's not even close."
Which... it was. We figured that stuff out before and we were more than qualified money-wise. I'm not sure why she would even say that. She repeated it over and over again during this whole process. She acted like we were being of some huge inconvenience to her. We went ahead anyway and drove over to an available apartment. Which was the same exact thing as the model we looked at, so again.. not sure why we wasted the time. I get checking out a place to make sure there's no damage and everything, but why not make sure we even qualify before having us pick out a place?
We went back to her office and filled out the forms even after again she said we wouldn't be accepted.
We handed the $100 fee and left.
We still went ahead even though I wanted to get the hell out of there multiple times. I couldn't stand the way we were being talked to. She treated us like we were some ignorant kids just trying to screw them over. She was negative the whole time and kept down-talking the both of us. The sad thing is I know she judged us before we even talked to her. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't even check the credit and just denied us the moment we walked out of the door.
Kryss got a call an hour later saying we were denied. When he went to get the money back, she said "It was horrible credit. Just terrible." - which again, it wasn't that bad. When he asked about it and why it was so bad to get some idea, she wouldn't tell him, just "fill out a form online and you'll get the information back in a few weeks telling you why."
I get privacy and everything, but she wouldn't even tell him why it was bad. Loans, debt, etc could of been a simple answer. Again, I just feel like she didn't even check it.
As sad as we both were, we're doing better today. We talked about it and decided that we wouldn't want to live in a place like that even if we made $100,000 a year and had perfect credit. If this woman was that horrible and unprofessional at her job, imagine the other people that worked there. God forbid if the toilet broke or something, maintenance man was probably a huge jackass.
It made us want to give us already because of the experience, but we're going to continue with our search. We'll look elsewhere and find an even cuter apartment to call our own. I just hope the experience with that She-Devil doesn't happen again.

Taking A Step Back For A Moment.

Sometimes, I have to take a step back and think for a moment.
Since I've been with Kryss, I've dreamt of having our own little apartment, spending our days off together decorating it and creating these small, fleeting moments of happiness to remember later on. Thinking of this makes me so happy and anxious for the future. Since moving to New York, we've been working harder than we ever have to make all of this come true. We're saving like crazy and trying to make the apartment a reality. We're making great progress but we're still not ready yet.
This past week has been hard for me. I've been thinking of the future too much and getting upset. Upset that it's not here yet and upset that I feel like we're still at the beginning. We've come so far, though. We may not have reached our goal yet, but we're making it slowly but surely. I've been letting this get me down and putting me in a negative funk and it's not healthy. It's not healthy to dwell on this negative feeling because it's being projected onto others. I can honestly say it's made me more quiet and reserved with Kryss. It's not his fault but I've been giving off this terrible vibe.
He's working so hard and I couldn't be more proud of him. He's showing just how much he wants this apartment to come as soon as possible. He's been working longer than scheduled and putting in so much effort and I hope he knows how much I appreciate it.
So, instead of letting myself get down because we're not moving just yet, I'm going to appreciate the now. I want to create all of these moments together, laughing together as we're having our morning coffee or helping each other make breakfast. I'm telling myself I can't do that just yet because we don't have our place. We can make those memories now, though. We can cook breakfast together and laugh at how ridiculous my pancakes look while his look perfect. We can sit at the dining room table and share a cup of coffee together, talking about the dreams we had the previous night or how I hogged all of the covers again. We don't need an apartment for that. Sure, they'll be more special because it was done in our home, but that will happen in due time.
I'm not going to let my wants for the future get me down because they will happen. It'll take time and effort but if I really want it, then it'll happen. I just need to appreciate what's going on now, because they're going to be memories one day. We can enjoy our time together now spending it with my parents, because we both love them to death and some day, I'm going to look back and wish I had just one more day to live in this home with them.

Goodbye For Now.

It's that time. I've been having this internal struggle/debate with myself on whether or not to continue blogging. I love blogging, it's become a big part of my life.. but the content and quality isn't there most of the time. A majority of the "blogging" I do is struggling to find a topic and half-assing my way through the post. Sometimes I feel like just giving it up completely and living a simpler life, but I love it too much. I enjoy reading the stories of others around the world and relating on special topics. I love creating that connection with someone and becoming a valued friend thousands of miles away.
Sometimes, I feel like there's not a place for me in the blogging world.
But then, I don't care.. because I want this space to be for me, by me. I want to look back through posts and remember all of this.
So, it's time for a break. I'm going to leave this little space until January 1st, 2014. I'm going to recuperate and hopefully return refreshed and ready to crank out some quality content and share more with those who read here.
Stay safe and have a great holiday. I'll see you all next year.