As most of you know, my all-time favorite book is The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I remember reading it in high school, a friend was reading it for a book report she was doing and I picked it up and then proceeded to steal it from her when she was done with it. I remember laying in bed that night reading it, laughing and crying at some of my favorite parts. I know a lot of people have said this, especially lately because of how popular the book and movie have gotten, but while reading it, I felt like I was Charlie. I related to so much of what he said and how he felt. He runs on emotions and he lets them take him over sometimes. My emotions make me who I am today, good or bad. When I feel a certain emotion, it's all I feel.
Showing posts with label tattoo meaning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tattoo meaning. Show all posts
The story behind my Perks tattoo.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
As most of you know, my all-time favorite book is The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I remember reading it in high school, a friend was reading it for a book report she was doing and I picked it up and then proceeded to steal it from her when she was done with it. I remember laying in bed that night reading it, laughing and crying at some of my favorite parts. I know a lot of people have said this, especially lately because of how popular the book and movie have gotten, but while reading it, I felt like I was Charlie. I related to so much of what he said and how he felt. He runs on emotions and he lets them take him over sometimes. My emotions make me who I am today, good or bad. When I feel a certain emotion, it's all I feel.Ever since I read the book, I knew I wanted to permanently mark something from this book on my body. I knew I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from it and make it last. My absolute favorite quote from the book is the following:
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”
This quote sums up my entire life perfectly. It's something I try to remember when things have me feeling down. Even when I'm feeling on top of the world. Our lives are mixed with happy moments and sad moments, sometimes when we're feeling down, we need to remember that we also have moments of happiness to balance it out. I have been through a lot in my life, moments when I've been sad and lost, not knowing what to do next. I've felt like throwing in the towel and completely giving up. I have to remind myself that although I'm going through a bad time, I also have these fleeting moments of happiness that make it all worthwhile.
While I was in Myrtle Beach, SC a few weeks back, my sisters and I planned on getting matching sibling tattoos. We couldn't decide on something to get so we threw the idea away. We planned on going to the tattoo shop so my niece could get a piercing, so I had a spur of the moment idea. I knew I wanted a Perks tattoo and I wanted a special story to share while talking about my vacation. I'm not a fan of people getting tattoos on a whim and some vacation tattoos I've seen were even worse. It was spur of the moment and a hasty decision, but I know I won't regret it. I know when I look down at it years later, I'm going to smile and remember I got it while on vacation with my favorite people.
That week I spent with them was very memorable. I hadn't seen my sister or her family in years and I was feeling very happy. I hadn't been that happy in a very long time. I spent a lot of nights sitting outside, thinking about my life and the people I still have in it. I'm lucky to have those people with me. I'm lucky that they're always there for me when I need it. I remember last year when I was going through my breakdown, I was able to call my sisters and they were there for me, listening to me cry and talk about how hopeless I felt. They reminded me they loved me and would be there for me if I needed anything. They said some pretty serious things on the phone those days, things I won't forget.
This tattoo was meant to reflect on my life this far. I've experienced a lot of death and anger growing up. I've experienced a broken heart that I thought would never heal. I never thought I would move on. I never imagined that a year later, I would be able to pick myself up again and think about me for once. I've grown so much in the span of a year, it's crazy to think about.
After getting this tattoo, I would go through small experiences that I would think "So, this is my life." and I would laugh because I would remember my arm. It's something I have been trying to live by. It's something I'm going to live by. So many people let the bad things get you down. They don't want to pick themselves up again and remember that there is good in their lives. They forget about those small moments of happiness that enter their lives, even for the shortest of moments. They forget to smile at the little things.
With what's going on in my life right now, trying to re-enter college, worrying about getting accepted and financial aid, I need to remember that things will work out in the end. Even if a door closes, another will open. I'm still trying to figure out how my life can be so amazing and special and sad at the same time. I'm trying to let the happiness outweigh the sadness.
With what's going on in my life right now, trying to re-enter college, worrying about getting accepted and financial aid, I need to remember that things will work out in the end. Even if a door closes, another will open. I'm still trying to figure out how my life can be so amazing and special and sad at the same time. I'm trying to let the happiness outweigh the sadness.
It's funny. Since getting this done, people at work ask about it. They'll read it and give me some weird look, not knowing what it means or where it's from. I think they assume I just thought of a sentence to get tattooed. It's such a generic sentence, but holds so much meaning to me and to those that have read The Perks of Being A Wallflower.
The story behind my zombie tattoo.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
More often than I would of thought, my zombie tattoo gets a lot of weird stares or odd comments thrown towards me when people see it. I'm sure my family thought I was bat-shit crazy for wanting to get zombies permanently etched into my skin. Lately, since starting my new job, people will lift my sleeve up and admire all of the color and tell me how badass my tattoos are. They've said "why the zombies?" and when I explain the story, they tell me how nice that was, but I'm sure they still secretly think I have issues. I think to fully understand the meaning behind this tattoo, you'd have to have experienced what I did. You would of had to have spent the years 2005-2010 with me. Even when I explain it, I feel like I didn't do justice and that people don't completely get it. I'm fine with that, though.. because I know exactly why I got it and I know how proud I am of it. Though I don't like to pick favorites for tattoos, this has to be my favorite, or.. most meaningful.
In 2005, my Grandmother got sick and passed away. I will never forget that day. I'll never forget the sadness that took over the family, especially my Grandfather. He was heartbroken and devastated. Since her passing, when we went to visit him, he was different. For years, he would say how much he missed her and how he just wanted to be with her again. It broke my heart whenever he said something like that. For awhile, I thought he would take his own life, just for the chance to see her again.
Growing up, besides my older sister, being around my grandparents really helped me see what true love was. I try not to believe that there is only one person destined to be with someone for the rest of their lives, or that we've got soul mates that we're trying to find. To me, it doesn't seem possible. But them two, they were perfect together. Visiting them, I would hear them bicker back and forth, but moments later, they were okay. They weren't mad and they went back to their normal routine. It was nice to see, because honestly, most of my family and their marriages were pretty shitty. They'd bicker and fight all the time. There was a lot of breakups and divorces. It could of made me a terrible person for a relationship, because it was a constant issue, but I really believe my grandparents relationship made me into the big, gushy romantic that I am today. I dream of having a marriage and relationship like they have. I say have, because as non-religious as I am, I believe they're together again.
In 2010, my Grandpa fell and hurt his hip. He was in a rehabilitation center and was starting to do better, but suddenly it all went downhill. He had a heart attack and he had a DNR signed and almost died then. Luckily, he survived and slowly recovered. After that incident, he seemed to want to live again, he would make plans in the hospital about future events he wanted to take part in and it was nice to see him a little filled with life again. Sadly, his health didn't get much better and eventually went downhill.
His organ were failing, and he needed Hospice to take care of him. My parents decided he would stay in the spare bedroom we had and though we knew he would eventually pass, we were able to take care of him for a few weeks before he went. Again, I remember that time like it was yesterday and it was probably the most life-changing, fucked up situation I was ever in. How many people are able to watch their loved ones, day after day slowly decline, every day an organ slowly failing until one day, they were gone. Though, I've experienced death where I was never able to say goodbye or give any last words, I was grateful I was able to talk to him before he passed away. I was able to tell him it was okay to let go and to find Grandma and be with here again.
Well, during this time, my birthday was coming up, and years prior, I was given money to get a tattoo. I knew what I wanted. I E-Mailed my favorite tattoo artist and gave him my ideas and he sent me a sketch. I remember opening the E-Mail and tearing up because it was so much better than I thought. I was pumped to get it done. I think my parents thought I was insane for wanting zombies, but I told everyone the meaning it had to me and they thought it was such a nice, meaningful tattoo.
My tattoo features two zombies, covered in blood, dancing in the moonlight in a graveyard. To me, this tattoo represents my grandparents. They've both passed and they're finally together again. Their love carried on in to the after life. I have never seen two people so much in love and so happy together. I dream of something half as amazing as what my grandparents had. I know in my heart they're together again. I know that their love carried on after their passing and it's still as strong as it was when they were alive.
When I explain this to some people, their response is usually "So... your grandparents are zombies?" - which, I find sort of ignorant, but I brush it off and laugh. I mean, I wanted to show they were dead, but still together and happy. I didn't want to get words or sayings because it would of said too much without me speaking right off the bat. I wanted a picture, something that wasn't as easy to read from a passerby. When people ask me about this tattoo, I get so filled with happiness and I'm so proud of it. I know when I'm 80 and look down, it may be wrinkled and discolored, but it'll remind me of something I was able to witness that made me who I am today.
