Life Lately.

Though these past few weeks have been filled with some terrible news, I'm trying to keep myself positive and stay as busy as I can. It's difficult keeping your head on your shoulders knowing someone you love is sick. We're taking it one day at a time and keeping positive thoughts and hoping for a successful recovery. That's really all we can do at this time..
Bad news aside, I changed departments at work. I was tired of being constantly screwed over at work and not being able to perform at the best of my ability. I'm now working in a different department at work and although I only worked there once this week, I feel so much better about work. I actually look forward to work and am completely fine with going in at seven in the morning. I enjoy working with everyone in that department and I feel like this job is so much more me than the other area I was in. I've almost got 40 hours next week and I couldn't be happier. I'll get more hours, better hours and I'll be making more money than I was before. Which will come in handy for the next topic.
Kryss and I have been saving since we got here and got ourselves jobs. We've been super strict with our money, while treating ourselves here and there with little things. I'd get a book to read, he'd buy a raccoon skull for his desk. We've been going to work and then coming home and watching movies. Sounds really lame of a couple, but it works for us. We don't mind staying in after a day at work and laying in bed watching horrible movies. We bought a $5 DVD from Kmart that has fourteen horror movies. Needless to say, they're not the best movies, but they're entertaining enough and it gives us a lot of conversation during the movie. Also, if you have an hour and a half to kill, I highly recommend not watching Jake's Closet. They tried their hardest at symbolism but it failed miserably. We actually look forward to this. We woke up a few morning ago before work and talked about which movie to watch from the DVD. I'm so glad I found someone who is okay with staying in at night and not wanting to go out and spend money all the time.
We've been super strict because we're going to be apartment hunting soon. whuuut. I never thought I'd be saying that. I've always wanted to, but I never thought it'd happen. We both want to leave my parents house and be on our own, not that we haven't enjoyed it, but we want to take the next step in independence. We also want to look for at least a two bedroom in case we have a guest. With things going on with my father, we're only trying to keep the absolute worst in mind. He's also talked to his family and they want to visit, so it'd be a pretty smart decision to get more than just a bedroom. Plus, it wouldn't be too much more a month for it.
Lately, all I can think about is this apartment. It'll be stressful worrying about bills, but we're trying to save as much as possible to be a little ahead in case of emergency or if something else were to come up. I can't wait to be able to decorate my own place and finally be on my own. It'll be nice to come home to him every night, knowing it's something we're doing together. Or to cook each other meals. Or clean together. Or lay in bed at night in our cozy little apartment. Ahh, I just want it here already. I've already texted my niece and told her to start saving up money because we plan on having her visit as soon as we get a place.
I'm also trying to put together my design business. My issue is I'm too critical of everything and want it to be the absolute best but with me, that'll never happen. I put together a design for a blogger and I'm excited for her to set it up so we can see the finished product and I can post about it and have another piece for my portfolio. I'm trying to find more work to build an even bigger portfolio, so if you guys know anyone that'd be great. ;)
Sadly, Kryss and I aren't doing anything for Halloween.. we have complete opposite work shifts, so we can't do anything. I'm okay with it, though. We both understand that we're trying to work towards getting an apartment and if that means working random shifts, picking up shifts or not seeing each other for a day then it'll be worth it. We enjoy the time we'll have together after and that's enough for us.

Life Lately.

left to right:
x. I am loving this weather so much. We've been having such beautiful weather, especially today. Lots of rain and a grey cloudy day. How I've missed those. Leaves rustling on the streets and the colors of the trees, yes.
xx. Tazo Chai Latte, possibly the best thing I have ever bought. I got it at Wal-Mart and you just mix it with milk and either heat it or ice it. I've heated it because it's been perfect weather for a hot drink, besides coffee. I am working on making my own mixture so I can stock up for the winter and so it'll be less expensive.
xxx. Last night we watched my absolute favorite movie, Coraline. I forgot how visually stunning the scenes were and the movie is just amazing. I can't get enough of this movie and it's something I make sure to watch every year around this time.
iv. Dinner date last night. The mall opened a bunch of chain restaurants and we decided we'd try one out. We don't go out a lot because we're trying to save money but we figured it'd be nice to get out for a bit.


This was a pretty productive week for Kryss and I. We spent it building (okay, he did all the work but I cheered him on.) a bookshelf/desks for us against one of our walls. We then painted it but it didn't go so well. The woman at Lowe's told us we'd need only a single coat of paint and we won't even need a gallon. I primed it just to be sure and then painted it and it looked horrible. So thank you lady at Lowe's for being such a great help. Seriously, we told her what wood we were using and everything, she was so sure it would come out.
Desk is about 98% finished, just waiting for it to fully dry and then we'll put our stuff on it. I'm so excited. I've been in such a slump lately because our room is a mess and I can't get anything done in a messy room. I feel so claustrophobic in a messy room and I feel no productivity. I think once the desk is all finished it'll help a ton with us getting stuff done.
This week we plan to finish the room and work on the blog design for Okay, Allison. I need to really get my butt designing and working on opening our design shop.
ALSO, Chuck Palahniuk's new book, Doomed comes out tomorrow. I have been waiting since last year for this sequel to Damned. Tomorrow's my day off, so I'll just lay in bed all day with coffee/chai latte and burn through that book.
Hope you guy's have a great week!

Life Lately pt.II.

I know I recently did a "Life Lately" post, but this past week has been pretty difficult, so I'm going to write a little more about what's going on.
I know I'm being ridiculous. I know I'm being over dramatic. I can't help it.
These past few weeks have been just terrible for me. I'm tired of seeing everyone on social media talk about college and having finals. They're stressed out and they're complaining about studying and having to write papers. I did that too. I was a student before and I hated it, too. The thing is, I appreciate it now. Now that I haven't been in school for a year, I realize the importance and I see how badly I want it all again. I took it for granted.
As you know, I applied to a few schools a couple weeks back, not realizing how badly it would effect me. I got a letter from Colorado Mountain College saying I was accepted. I was beyond ecstatic. I'd spend hours laying in bed researching the school. I even went on Instagram and looked up the school and became filled with so much excitement thinking I may actually be going there in a few months. I was finally happy again letting myself think it would all work out.
Then I got a letter about financial aid. I filled out my FAFSA, but it wasn't complete; I needed my parents information because I wasn't considered an independent. I became enraged. I haven't lived at home for over a year, I claimed myself as an independent on my taxes and the worst part was I hadn't talked to my parents in over a year. Getting their information was going to be impossible for me. I didn't want to have to contact them and ask them for help. I wanted to do this all on my own. I declined adding their information, but I would need an official letter stating why I couldn't provide it. I wasn't abused by them, they didn't pass away and I was not going to get them to send a letter to the department saying they refused to give that information. I felt defeated. This whole time I was just trying to better myself and get back into school to further my education and make something of myself and I couldn't do it. I got my hopes up only for them to be crushed even before anything happened.
Last night I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about school and trying to think of any way I could go back. I want this so badly. It's all I've been thinking about and it's making me sick in every possible aspect. I can't eat, I can't even sleep. I came to a decision at around 2 A.M and fell asleep with my stomach in knots.
Today, I woke up and called my mother.  I figured it was a long shot and I would end up hanging up on her because of an argument. She answered and we caught each other up on what we've been up to. As if no time had ever passed without us talking. It was awkward and then after it became unbelievably nostalgic. I missed talking to her. I felt kind of bad for the time we didn't talk.
I told her I planned on going back to school but needed their information. She said she would talk to my father this weekend and to call her next week. Apparently, my father isn't mad, just doesn't understand why so much time had passed. I don't know how I feel about him. I'm angry at him, but not really. I feel bad calling them now that I need something from them, but I feel like it's giving me a reason to get a hold of them again and maybe establish some kind of relationship?
So, I'm back to stressing and thinking about school again. I gave myself a few days to step back and forget about it all, but it's all come back. I guess I just play the waiting game. I'll call my mother again on Monday and hopefully get that information. If not, I have no other plan to fall back on.
Even if I do get the information, I still have to find out a way to take out a loan for school. This part is probably going to be the worst part and it's going to send me over the edge. I don't know why but the whole financial aspect of being a grown up absolutely freaks me out and takes over me.
I just want to move to another state. I'm ready to leave this town. It's given me amazing memories and it was a place I came to in a negative state and can leave in a much more positive time of my life.
I just want to live on my own. In a dorm room where I can meet new people and really get out of my comfort zone. I'm ready to join clubs and sports teams. I just want to try new things.
I just want to be back in a classroom, filled with students eager to learn. I'm ready to learn new things about a subject I absolutely love.
I just want to make a future for myself. I want to know I'm headed in a direction in my life that I am proud of.
I'm trying so hard not to stress or gets my hopes up. I know I'm going to end up doing so and if it fails, I'll be devastated.
I just want this so damn bad.

I apologize for the depressing post. I haven't been in a very good state of mind lately and I'm really trying to pull myself out of this rut.