Late Night Thoughts V.2

"Late Night Thoughts" is a blog series created for those of us that are night owls. The series is a reflection of my thoughts and ideas that come late at night when most people are already asleep. I've found that my inspiration comes in the later parts of the night, so this is my way of writing them down and sharing them with those that are like me.
It's almost 5 A.M. and here I am again, unable to sleep and can't get my mind to stop running. 
These past few days, I've been thinking a lot about my role on the internet and how much time I waste looking through webpages. I'm constantly scrolling through Tumblr, Bloglovin' and Twitter. Once I close my laptop, I unlock my phone and I'm back on Twitter and even Instagram. I can honestly say I'm addicted to the internet and social media. I feel less pathetic saying that because most of us are addicted, it's become a social norm to constantly be on your phone looking through your various feeds. 
I've been debating a lot whether or not to just de-activate everything. I did it with Facebook a year and a half ago and I haven't regretted it in the least. It's nice not having it, probably one of the best decisions I made. I didn't care what people from high school were doing, most of them were all about drama anyway. I didn't talk to most of them while I was in that school, so why should I care to know why you're pissed at your significant other?
I haven't uploaded a picture on Instagram in weeks, but I do open it just to see what others have posted. I love the creativity of other people and the adventures they take. It actually inspires me and makes me want to do some creative things. I just haven't felt the inspiration to post a picture. Part of me is over the whole thing. I mean, maybe if I took more trips or even got of the house more often. Honestly, I'm more worried about making money right now so I can move.

I've been thinking about my blog a lot lately, too. My main goal for this blog is to document my life and I would hope to inspire others. I already read old posts and am amazed at how much I've changed. I'm amazed at how far I've come and how different my life is than I expected. The thing is, I feel pretty un-inspired most of the time. I think of posts to write, but after awhile I just feel like they're less important and don't care to amuse the idea anymore. I posted about that design project Kryss and I were going to do, but that got pushed aside. We both work odd hours and again, the whole self-conscious and lack of inspiration thing kicks in. I'm trying not to let it get me down or to think the idea will just crash and burn before it even begins. We've got the next few days off so hopefully we'll pan out some sort of ideas. I don't want to give up already and I feel like if we just stick with it for awhile, it can be worth it. 

To be honest, the audience has a lot to do with it. I feel like I'm being two different people at times. A part of me has the mouth of a trucker and the humor of Lisa Lampanelli. Another part wants to keep it professional and clean. I don't want to put out this ridiculous facade that I'm perfect or that I don't have a tendency to swear, because that's just not me. I know vulgarity is a touchy subject, especially when you want to attract a certain group of people. Some bloggers purposely don't swear or add a certain humor to their blogs because it's not completely accepted. I hate that. You're not being yourself when you do that. 

I feel this stupid pressure to post as often as possible, get on a schedule so people can grow accustomed to your posts. It's stressful as hell, though. 

A part of me just wants to delete all social media. I'll spend my time reading books, drinking coffee and taking photographs to keep for memories. I'll keep a journal to share personal moments and it'll be for me and only me. No pressure, no schedule and no self-consciousness will be felt. I'll be completely open and honest with myself. I'm not so sure I could do that, though. I like sharing moments with anyone and everyone who wants to read about it. I like having this little piece of the internet to come to and reflect back on. 

I need to stop stressing about it all. I mean, it's just a blog. It's nice to have people watching it and keeping track of your posts but in the end, it doesn't matter. When inspiration and a want to blog comes to me, it'll be nice but if not, it's nothing to worry about. I need to start embracing my real life and not worrying so much about what's happening online. We're too addicted to social media and what's happening in other people's lives, we need to start remembering to make ours special.
In the end, that's all that really matters, right?