Late Night Thoughts

"Late Night Thoughts" is a blog series created for those of us that are night owls. The series is a reflection of my thoughts and ideas that come late at night when most people are already asleep. I've found that my inspiration comes in the later parts of the night, so this is my way of writing them down and sharing them with those that are like me.

I'm sitting in the living room with a cup of Orange Blossom tea, my sisters cat sitting on the couch next to me and this song on repeat. I'm feeling content right now, though I think I'm getting sick. My throat hurts and my nose is stuffy and aches. My days have been consisting on working and coming home and catching up on my favorite series. I can't complain, though. 

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my life and how lonely I feel sometimes. Since moving to Texas, I have only made one friend and that was through an ex. We don't hang out much at all and we rarely text. I'm fine with it, though. I've become very selective on who I want in my life and who I want to share my life with. I think I'm just going through a phase where I just want to be alone. People are shocked to find out that I don't have a best friend or someone I at least have to talk to when I need it. 

Sure, sometimes I hit my breaking point where all I want is someone to talk to. Someone that will listen to me and my endless ramblings and problems that really aren't even that big in the grand scheme of things. I miss someone I can call out of the blue just to see what's up. I miss having someone I can share anything and everything with. I miss having a best friend that constantly reminded me how much of a good person I was. I also miss being there for them. I get a certain joy out of being there for another person, listening to them and giving them advice when they need it. 

But when I think about it, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being by myself most of the time. Call me crazy or anti-social.. but I like it. 

Since moving here, I've learned so much about myself. I was able to sit by myself most days and just reflect on everything. I was able to think clearer and figure myself out. I have new interests and new ideas that are forming in my mind and when I imagine my future, it's completely different than I thought it would be. It's scary to a certain aspect, but it's exciting and I welcome it more than anything. I can honestly say I have a love for myself I didn't have before. I'm much more accepting of myself than ever before. 

And the best part? I'm not done yet. 

I'm still learning new things about myself.

I'm still learning to smile more when I look at myself. 

I'm laughing more than ever before.

I'm thankful to be alive. I may only have a part-time job, no friends and I'm not back in school yet, but I appreciate it all. A year ago, I didn't want to live anymore. I wanted to lay on the ground and give up. To stop caring about everything and anything that was in my life at that time. I hated myself and who I was for being that broken. I don't ever want to feel that way again. 

I'm stronger than I was a year ago.

I'm smarter than I was a year ago.

I'm emotionally stronger than I was a year ago. 

I guess, to sum this post up, I'm just happier than I have been in a very long time. I'm still progressing and creating my own path in life, and it's scary and exciting and I can't wait to see what's in store. I'm feeling stronger than ever and I'm ready to put myself out there and do whatever I set my mind on. Sometimes, I just need a reminder of how strong I am. When I'm feeling down, I'll have this post to look back on and see just how much potential I have.