One of my top goals for 2013 was to get into film photography. I've been fascinated by photography since middle school but never thought I'd be as good as those I saw on Flickr. I finally sat down and really thought about photography and my own feelings towards being like those I was so inspired by. I realized, why compare myself to others? Why strive to be like those people you see whose photographs are in magazines or have thousands of notes on Tumblr? Why do I want to be like them? I mean, sure.. I'd love to get my pictures out there and have thousands see it and love it, but then I would just fall into place with them. I wouldn't be my genuine self if I didn't strive to just love my own photographs. I finally realized "who cares if people like them or not? Who cares if someone sees my pictures and doesn't like them?" I want to like my pictures and if I'm the only person, I'll feel satisfied and accomplished.
For so long, I wanted to take photos like Alex Evans, a famous photographer from Deviantart. I wanted to captivate the emotions he did in his photographs. The thing is, it wasn't me. Though, I'd love to take beautiful pictures like he does, I just want to have memories to look back on, I want to be able to say "Wow, I remember these pictures. It was a great time and I have so many amazing memories from this trip." In all honesty, I just want to take pictures I'm satisfied with. I'm my own worst critic most of the time. I compared my photos to others on the internet and told myself I'd never be as good as them. Any time I posted pictures of my previous blogs, I pointed out their flaws. I was trying to be something I wasn't. I don't want to over-edit my photographs. I want them to be straight from the camera. That's the reason why I love film photographs so much. They're not edited, they're real. They came straight from the camera themselves, no touching up needed to make that picture perfect.
Well, I did a test roll last week and finally decided I'd bring it to a photo center to develop (though, I would kill to be able to develop my own pictures.. seriously. I would feel so accomplished and it would become such a personal process.) I went back into the center, eager and nervous. I'd tried this before only to be told the pictures didn't come out. The negatives were all black and not a single picture was processed. I was so defeated that I didn't want to try again. Lately, I've become obsessed again and said screw it.
My old Pentax I got from my father had a needle on the side that would tell you when the photo had perfect lighting and settings, something I didn't know until someone e-mailed me to tell me. I had a "DUH!" moment and bought batteries so the needle would work.
When I went into that photo center, the man had an odd look on his face, so I automatically thought "Damn, it was ruined again! What am I doing wrong?" I tried looking up tutorials and videos on film to try to study the camera and figure out how to do this the right way. He told me he processed them and when he put them in the machine to put it on a CD, the holes for the machine to catch on to was torn. When I held the negatives up, they were all perfect. I could clearly see the pictures I took. I was so relieved. He gave me the negatives and I didn't have to pay, the only thing is I need to figure out how it had gotten torn in the camera.
I came home so happy and felt so accomplished, which sounds weird because I didn't get the pictures processed 100%. I keep looking at the roll and smiling when I see these pictures. I am so happy I finally figured out how to take the pictures.
I've been looking up film scanners and am debating on buying on, the only issue is I would only have this roll to use it on. When I take another roll to the photo center again, if the pictures come out, I won't have to use the scanner. I would love to find a place that might only process them in the liquids to develop the negatives, so then I can just run them through the scanner. I doubt I'll find a place, though. I'm going to try another roll and hopefully they'll come out this time. I am trying to get this situation figured out all the way so when I visit my family in North Carolina, I can bring my camera and a bunch of film to take pictures. I didn't want to chance it and bring it anyway, just in case I couldn't get the camera to work. I would of been devastated if I did it and none of the rolls came out.
My goal is to get a grasp on film photography. As long as I can take the pictures and get them processed, I'll be happy. If I can do that, then my next step is to find a way to develop it myself and then scan them in. I want to slowly master film photography and ultimately be able to process the rolls myself without bringing them into a store. I mean, how badass is it to be able to take your own pictures AND develop them. To me, it's so personal and holds so much more meaning than using digital, where you can see the pictures, delete them and perfect the pictures in Photoshop. Though I respect anyone that uses digital as well.
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