On Friendships.

So, 2014 is in full swing. It's been so good to me already. I was proposed to as soon as the new year came and Kryss and I were accepted for an apartment and we move in on February 1st. This year would be starting off perfect if it wasn't for the news about my father that's been lingering for the past few months. I can't let that get me down, though. We're staying positive and we're taking it one step at a time. There's no point in letting it get me down or letting it ruin the good things that are happening. Not to sound selfish, but we can only do so much with a diagnoses like that.
I've never been the type of person to give in to others or to feel like I needed to make the first move after an argument. If I feel like I was in the wrong, I have no problem putting my pride aside and starting a conversation with that person; getting everything out in the open and mending any broken relationships. If I feel like I was wronged, I have no problem letting that person go and forgetting about them. Maybe it makes me sound like an asshole but I was taught to be strong and don't let others bring you down. If that person isn't good for you and isn't a friend to you, get rid of them. There's no point in having a one-sided relationship with someone or beating that dead horse any longer than you need to. I've had a lot of friends that I no longer speak to, whether it was just from graduating and losing touch or getting into a heated argument, it's happened. It's bound to happen to everyone in their lives and it's your choice on whether or not you want to salvage it.
I've learned a lot these past few years, I was forced to be on my own. No friends and barely any family and it's changed me into a completely different person. I've learned to rely on myself and myself only, because even the best of friends can be a bit of a letdown. Living in Texas for that year really shaped me into a more independent person, I've learned that I can be on my own and I'll be okay. I don't need other people. I've always needed a close friend or someone that I could talk to when I hit a roadblock in my life. I always had that one friend I could turn to when I was upset about a situation or sad because of my loneliness.
This year, I'm trying to improve myself even further. I've grown internally and it's been the best thing that's happened to me and I'm so glad everything happened. I recently reactivated my Facebook, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal. It'd be another network to log onto and kill some time with. It actually brought a whole slew of others things that caused me to lay awake at night and think about.
Friends I had lost connection with in particular.
If you know me, you'll see that I can be a very stubborn person. If I'm offended or hear you say something that really doesn't stick right with me, you'll know it.
I lost a relationship with a good friend when I went to Texas over some news that I wasn't happy to hear. The trust I had with that person had been broken and I felt personally wronged. It led me to completely cutting this person out of my life and forgetting about them. I figured I didn't need another person that I wasn't able to trust.
I decided something a few nights ago. Instead of just cutting this person out of my life, why not see where it could go? It wouldn't hurt to try and worst case scenario, we form some kind of understanding and we occasionally catch up. No big deal. So, I added her on Facebook. We ended up talking for awhile and even got on the phone to talk. It was a little awkward at first, but in the end I was glad I did it. We may not be as close as we once were, but it's a thing that may take time. Maybe we'll form a close bond again or maybe we'll just talk once in awhile when something great or terrible happens to one of us.
I went a step further and mended another friendship that was broken. Same thing, we were never really close, but it's still nice to have people in your life to talk to once in awhile. To be able to talk about your day, good or bad and get some positive feedback.
Though I never expected to fix these relationships, there are some that I just can't get myself to begin to try with. There are certain people in my life that have wronged me in the worst way possible and it's a definite no for me. There are people that come into your life, teach you a lesson or two and leave. And that's it. No more words spoken between the two of you. You continue on with life and always remember the lessons learned. Maybe once in awhile you'll walk past a building or coffee shop and remember a laugh shared between the both of you and then you carry on with your day. A simple moment to remember a good time in your life with someone who once was and never will be again.
I'm twenty-three years old and I'm not even close to being a full adult. I'm still learning to let go of the wrongs that have happened to me by those I once considered close to me. I feel a bit childish to hold a grudge against someone who once hurt me because it's almost like a playschool buddy breaking your favorite toy. You cry and say mean things and you move on to the next. Some of these wrongs just aren't as minuscule as a toy, though. Some things that have happened to be have left me feeling like I wasn't as important to that person as I once thought.
I'm still learning, though. I'm slowly realizing that just because you feel wronged, doesn't mean you can't make the first move. Approach the situation like an intelligent adult and go from there. Grudges aren't fun and they can tear people up inside. Repair as many broken relationships as you see fit but forget the ones who have no place for your future. Sometimes you've got to have these burned relationships to remember to never let them happen to you again. You'll choose these friends more wisely in the future and you'll learn that you can't always trust those who you once thought you could.