On Being in A Relationship.

From our hotel room in Memphis, TN on our way to New York.

We've been together for almost six months and I'm head over heels with this boy. My favorite part of the day is being able to fall asleep next to him. We give each other a kiss, saying our good-nights and I love you's. Sometimes we'll lay in bed restless, talking about our day or anything else unless our eyes grow heavy. We'll cuddle but he's not allowed to hold me until his hands are warm, they're usually always cold and I am such a baby when it comes to being touched when his hands are cold. I love waking up next to this boy, too. We'll rotate between who wakes who up, a gentle nudge and a "Good-morning, baby." Sometimes, we'll surprise each other with a hot cup of coffee waiting for each other. It's become our routine and we wouldn't have it any other way. I've dreamed of moments like this for so long and I finally have it. I can honestly say I'm scared shitless, too. 

I've never talked about my previous relationship and I don't plan to elaborate too much. I try not to dwell on the past, but when it comes to being in a relationship after the previous one crashed and burned, it's only normal to compare the two. The thing I will say is, I've never been this in love and I've never been this happy in a relationship. I've never connected with a person so quickly and so much. I've never felt so supported by my partner and so inspired to better myself. 

The first few months are perfect, you love everything about that person. Their insecurities and odd habits become cute to you. You keep things to yourself and you try your hardest not to let your bad habits slip. You try to shower every day you see that person, make sure your breath is fresh and you look good for them. Slowly, you open up and allow that person to see things others normally don't. It'll start slow, you don't comb your hair as much as you normally would, you don't worry about bad breath in the morning when you both wake up. Maybe you don't even shower for a day. I love that part of the relationship, you see the person for who they are more than before, you see they're not as perfect as you were being led to believe. Not that they lied to you or anything, but they put themselves together so they looked as perfect as they could and now you're seeing them more vulnerable and normal looking than before. It's the beginning of the unraveling of a relationship. 

Slowly, you realize they're not exactly like you. They might not be as proper and clean as you thought. This isn't bad in any way. You slowly find perks in that person that you aren't 100% into. Take for example when Kryss first told me that it bothered him that I don't push the toothpaste up after using it. I squeeze the toothpaste onto my toothbrush and then shut it. I don't push the remaining toothpaste to the top like he does. He told me it wasn't a big deal, just something he noticed. So since he told me that, I've tried my hardest to make sure the toothpaste is pushed to the top. For me, it's when he grabs clothes and leaves the dresser drawer open. He'll do this a lot when he's in a rush for work, so I'll walk back into our room and see two drawers sitting open. I told him about this and he's tried to close them when he's done. It's these little qualities about a person that separate you from them. I like it, though. 

I am a very easy person to upset. Though we haven't had some huge blowout where we're shouting at one another, we do have our moments where we get upset at one another. Luckily, it's just been little things and in twenty minutes, we're joking about it and hugging again. I told him before we dated that I'm a difficult person to deal with. When it comes down to it, I'm a baby and I let a lot of things bother me and I shouldn't. But he's okay with that and he reminds me that he's here and he's not going anywhere. And that solidified it all for me. I'm thankful I have someone that can deal with my bitchiness and short-tempered manner. I've gotten better though and I think he's the reason for it. I'm nothing like I was before. 

I'm so happy I've found someone that understands me and can agree with me on so many levels. We support each other in anything we do and we give our honest criticism when needed. He'll be honest when it comes to my photography, and I'll do the same with his art. We know we're not out to get each other, just helping them improve. 

I'm excited to have all of these adventures with him. We've taken a camping trip, crawled in abandoned buildings and even moved 2,200 miles back to my hometown. I love looking back at these moments we've shared together in the short span of our relationship. I'm also scared, though. I don't want to take all of these photographs and trips, creating these special moments in my life with someone and then one day that person is gone. Whether it's a falling out or if that person should die. Sort of morbid to think about, but I'm scared to have all of those memories and special moments to replay in my head. I guess that's part of the risk, though? You take a risk with this person, creating all of these moments that become your happiness and you can look back and fall in love with that person all over again. You can also look back on them and you're overcome with sadness because that person is gone. The truth is, when it comes to love.. who wouldn't take that risk? I sure as hell will. Sure, I think about the "what if's" dealing with the good and bad, but whatever happens, it's a learning experience that will teach you so much about life and yourself in the end.